Day 1- "Why am I doing this?" (Part Two)

That morning seemed infinitely long. We had stopped at the cafe relatively early in the day’s journey. My next respite came much later as I walked alone. Mostly my head stayed down avoiding the rain and the long road ahead. Then I finally had a reason to look up. I had reached the summit and while amazing views were hidden by the clouds I walked through, there was a small rustic building with no door. Inside, it was almost completely barren. An empty fireplace and a table were the only facets of the small room.  Kyle stood looking sullen alongside two other men whose faces I faintly recognized.  

I stayed in the hut for the next half hour. It emptied and filled with pilgrims who just peeked inside or stayed for a while. Within a few minutes of taking off my pack and standing still I started shaking from the cold. An older woman offered me a fleece, but I was already wearing one though it had soaked through. 

Soon, a burly Portuguese man, who didn’t speak a common language of any of the rest of us, began trying to light a fire. It was a funny image; pilgrims from around the world shivering in a mountain-top cabin as a bear of a man rips pages from a camino guide book to kindle damp wood into flames. I never learned that man’s name, but I liked his heart. He didn’t seem cold at all, but he worked really hard trying to start something that would warm strangers.

Unfortunately, just as the fire began to come to life I decided to set out. Shouldering my pack, I felt desperately ready to finish the day. Mostly downhill and mostly alone, the rest of the way wasn’t terribly bad or good. I hadn’t eaten much that day, not wanted to dig through my pack and take out food. When I started feeling shaky and weak I took out some bread and chewed as I walked.  

Walking down led gradually out of the rain, clouds, and bitter cold.  I thought a lot as I walked then- alone, able to focus on something other than moving forward. Many of my thoughts rested on my Korean boyfriend, who I’ll call Jaggi. We had dated for only four months while I lived in Korea. I didn’t want to be in a relationship, but at some point that was no other option. We fell into a crazy, young, obsessive love. Talking about our future children and promising to never love another person was characteristic in our everyday conversations (embarrassing!). Jaggi was my first boyfriend, though I had dated others casually. I liked it that way. I wanted my first boyfriend to be the one I settled down with and shared a life with. However, a big reason for doing the camino was to think about this relationship and my future, as two distinct paths lay in front of my. The few months of long-distance while I was at home in Florida  had been incredibly difficult, but also good in that they gave me the physical separation I need to think more objectively about my life.

Having a certain Asian man on the brain, I immediately struck up a conversation with two different Asians who caught up with me.  One was from South Korea and the other was ethnically Chinese, born in Austria.  I liked them right away. They hadn’t known each other before that day as they began to walk together. They had gotten lost for an hour and, thankfully, found their way back to the course. To my surprise, they recognized me from the  cabin as the girl shaking with cold.  “I tried to find something to give you,” the Chinese man said as if explaining himself, “but I only had T-shirts.” I was surprised and touched that yet another stranger had been so empathic and kind.

Not long after I met these two gentlemen, we made it to Roncesvalles, our final destination of the day! Kyle was standing there at the edge of town waiting for me, his sister, and her boyfriend. He joined me and my two new friends and we all headed to the local albergue to reserve beds. Ally and Kevin weren’t far behind and found us as we stood in line. 

I was far less than social that evening as physical pain set in and I found the introvert in me needing to retreat. After a marvelous hot shower, I climbed into bed and barely left until morning. I slept a few hours, wrote in my journal, and ate the food I had intended for my lunch that day. 

Kyle waiting at the edge of town. The building behind him turned out to be the albergue.

Although the day had been difficult, in some ways more difficult than any that lay ahead, I didn’t consider giving up. The feeling of making it was worth all the trials along the way. And even more importantly, I had had a hint of the beauty of pilgrims. So many people, each with their own reasons for the journey, all temporarily brought together. Pilgrims are not like normal people. No matter what they are like in everyday life, there is something that changes on the Way.  There is camaraderie, warmth, and generosity between pilgrims that is rare in the “real world.” After a glimpse of that on my first day, I wanted nothing more than to continue and be a part of it until the end.